BTW, shouts out to anybody that gets the reference in the title I miss WAR (Revisit it via the good people at IVPVideos.com on the cheap! Shamless Plug Over).
Anyway, we start this entry on a bit more of a serious note than most. I’ve kinda been a bit reserved and had a bit of an uphill climb in recent memory. This tends to happen with your involvement in this crazy business of ours and while you MAY get used to it; it never feels normal.
I’ve had a lot of personal changes in my life; things I usually will never let come to the surface when I step between the ropes. How could I let it? Between the ropes I’m free. At peace with the noise and excitement ya know?
Of all the personal changes though, the matters of love usually hurt the most. I choose to address it because quite frankly, it needs to be. I don’t think we as wrestlers recognize what our professions does to us socially and those on the outside fail to realize it too.
Wrestling has no off season, high risks, low rewards (depending on perspective), and most of all; the ability to estrange you from loved ones if given the opportunity. I remember watching documentaries and other features about wrestlers who ran the roads for our enjoyment; idols to millions around the world, but a stranger when they walk through their own front door.
A ghost of a husband.
It takes a special kind of person to love us for what we do. To understand that there’s always going to be a tug of war between the business and their loving hands. Frankly, it’s a portion of this business I hate so much.
I have no problem telling ANYONE, I was nothing in this business for a number of years when I started. The dreams of exotic locales and rabid fans seemed like a distant memory because I always felt like I was missing something, whether my fault or other factors. So after years of limping along, the opportunities come along to change everything you know about what’s possible. To be the star and shine the way you’ve always wanted to.
The only problem is…when you accept these chances, you WILL hurt people. You will be missing. The chance to build a normal relationship with someone you love, admire, and respect will be tested and tried at every turn. The worst part? If you actually do GOOD, it’ll only grow.
I loved someone very dearly. For a long time. And in my rise from an unknown with a basketball making a CHIKARA debut to a wrestler people are keeping their eye on; things fell apart. The average stresses of “normality” (Check that Hitchhiker’s Guide reference.), my own ambition, misunderstandings, and what not turned a gap into a canyon. The worst part, you almost can understand why they feel so raw about you. Perhaps it was best not to answer the phone for that one booking or just stay home and have the quiet dinner you’d been wanting to have for so long.
Then you gut checked at 70 MPH.
Wrestling is very rarely a “do over” thing. Either you’re there for the spot or someone else will be. If you don’t want the chance to be a star, fine. But isn’t that why we sacrifice ourselves? For that chance to rise higher than when we came in? The nature of the beast almost makes emotional ties outside the ropes a liability, where only the most Teflon of family, friends, and lovers can last the strain. Looking at both ends of the coin, it can be rough for both ends. There is no right or wrong per se’. Only the choice you made.
My choice cost me someone very dear to me. What was already bleeding out is only KEPT alive out of mutual respect. But nothing will return to what it was. She’s gone her own way and all I can do is let her. It makes me wonder how many of my brothers and sisters of the ring wars are on those long car rides, less concerned about the match and more about what they left behind at home. For the average wrestler, it’s usually a lot.
I’ve been told I’m very interactive. Very candid. One particular comment I enjoyed was, “There’s a realness to you when the lights are on bright that you just can’t duplicate”. It’s real because this is what I love to do. Interacting with people who understand that kind of passion and being a hero to some makes the struggles worth it. A lot of things in my life have been put on hold or died for the sake of making the crowd roar and pushing myself to the next level. The best of the best have remained by my side and even when I’m out of touch, they know I’ll be back; because my life when the lights go out wouldn’t be the same without them.
White picket fences. Kids. BBQs. Cuddling. All that “normal people stuff” takes on a greater value when your bed most weekends is a hotel or a car backseat. Their importance dawns upon you as the bruises, cars, and injuries mount up. If you’re a member of the neglected who feel the wrestler in your life doesn’t care or has no heart for you, rethink your position. I’m very serious. Most of the time, we don’t sign up for this to watch it all fall apart when the boots come off.
For my wrestlers, stay strong and think about how far you’re willing to go and what you can do to hold it together. If someone is important to you, let them know before they EVER get the chance to feel like that’s the case. They deserve that much for the patience they have to give you in the wake of being shared with the road.
For the fans, you’re witnessing a father, brother, sister, mother, lover, and at base value; someone important to someone else give their time and best effort (hopefully) to make your ticket price absolutely worth it. Their sacrifice is more than you’ll ever know. The things you take for granted, we wish could go smoother in our own lives. Cherish them. Cause somewhere, there’s a guy with a pair of Converse’s and pretty large hair wishing things were different so he could have the same things.
With that said, next week marks my return to Dragon Gate USA for their 9/9, 9/10, 9/11 events. I’ll be in the Open Invitational Elimination Match on the 9/9 show and the Bonus Cards of the following events. I have every intention of making your ticket purchase worth it.
If you’re planning on ordering the show or ANY show from WWNlive.com btw, help a brother out and click on the poster you’ll see below. Make your order or purchase via there and EVERYBODY WINS! -thumbs up-
Also be on the lookout for me at CHIKARA Pro’s September 17th and 18th events in Brockton, MA and Manhattan, NY respectively.
And as if things couldn’t get busier; Beyond Wrestling has NO clue what they unleashed when they let the KOA loose…coming soon
I’ve got some other cool news to announce, but we’ll wait til we get sooner to the date for that. For now, I can only focus on working harder and being the best Sugar D I can be. I hope the same for all of you out there. When you try to make things better, your situation usually tends to improve.
As for who I lost. I think it was Shawn Michaels who said it best.
“I love you. I’m sorry.”
Later days and hug somebody a little tighter than usual, yea? Long hard road ahead. Wish me luck!